receive woman receive

Posted by on Feb 5, 2018

Sitting in a circle of women this weekend, the big topic of receiving came up.  How important it is to receive and how many of us women feel more comfortable giving than receiving… or have internalized this as the only acceptable way to show up.  The feminine is compassionate, kind, gentle… think Mother Mary or Kwan Yin.  Yes, she is all this AND that is only a tiny piece of her puzzle.


She has many different faces.  She is fierce + courageous + strong + loud + a force to be reckoned with – think Durga or a lioness… DON’T YOU DARE MESS WITH MY CUBS!  She is at home in her body… the mess, the warmth, the juiciness, the sensuality + she feels the pulses and cycles of nature pulling from within – think Wild Woman or Diana.  She is full of emotion + rage + depth + the creative force itself which cannot be contained – think Kali.  She is wisdom + innocence wrapped up in one… she is deeply connected to her intuition, to the timeless guidance of her ancestral line, she sees the interrelatedness of us all, how what we do to one, we do to all.  She is also connected  to the present moment which she meets fresh + with curiosity – think Crone or young Persephone.


I bring all of these faces up to remind us that they are there, within each of us.  And the western world has buried them for a thousand years.  We are seeing the resurgence of the feminine + the reconciling of her within our culture as well as within each of us at this time for both women AND men.  Maybe you are seeing it out there, but not inside yet.  Maybe you are feeling the pull, but not sure what to do with it.


This is something I started delving into personally about 9 years ago.  The reconciling of my own feminine within.  I had been living in a hyper-masculine form, structure, rationality, competition, etc. in the corporate world + the fitness world… I can do anything you can do man!… while only giving voice to the one aspect of my feminine in relationship… gentle, kind, giving until completely depleted, I had cut myself off from the other aspects of my feminine, had stopped receiving her…. what can I do for you?  My needs?  No, no I don’t have any.  What is it that you need?  Much easier to focus on that because it’s what I know, what I can do something about.  It feels good for me to support you.  I get my self-worth from it.  If I can’t give to you, who am I?  What is my value?


You see the flaw in this thinking.  And the split?  And the buried resentment that it causes?  And the pain?  When I started to delve a little deeper within, I felt panic.  There is nothing inside me.  Where am I?  Who am I?  What do I want?  What do I need?  What do I like?  What am I passionate for?  Complete terror even allowing these questions to surface.  Looking at them overwhelmed me + the realization that they pervaded my whole world spun me into depths of self-loathing… for a large amount of the twists + turns of my life, my choices were based on what someone else’s ideas were of right/ wrong or what I would receive from another if I made this choice… praise, love, support, approval, etc.


Can you relate?


After 9 years of delving + excavating + uncovering + continuing to go AGAINST the strong pull of historical behavior to ignore myself, I see some things pretty clearly.  I realize the self-loathing was not productive, it actually kept me in the same patterns I was stuck in of feeling not relevant.  I realize that it’s MY responsibility and MY job alone to nourish + feed my WHOLE woman.  I have come back to her and I feel the power of my voice + my heart + my body + the integration point within.  I AM HERE + showing up for my life.  I am in love with this woman that I am… every contradicting part.  And at the end of the day, I turn inward for this love that is the source of all.


How to take concrete steps towards unearthing your WHOLE woman?  I have a few ideas to get you started…


*** ALLOW YOURSELF TO RECEIVE.  Extremely important.  Start small.  When someone gives you a compliment, pause, put your hand on your heart, take a breath in and say thank you.  Refrain from complementing back or rushing to discount yourself (this will be hard).  If that is easy for you, allow yourself to be visible in some way that you are hiding… look people in the eyes and let them look back for longer than usual.  Or let someone pay you what you’re worth.  Do this one thing and you will notice your world begin to shift.


*** CARVE OUT ME TIME.  Start with an hour each week.  Schedule it in your calendar + honor this space like you would a date with friend or business appointment.  Just let it be free time for you… no obligations, simply space.  Graduate to a date night with yourself.  Do something for you + you alone… take a bath, read a delicious book, get a massage + don’t rush home, go to dinner + a movie.  Do something that excites you.  You might be going through the motions at first, but do it anyway.  Schedule it + honor your commitment to yourself.


*** JOURNAL.  15 minutes in the morning.  EVERY.  DAY.  Just write.  No expectations.  No pressure to make it profound.  No skipping either.  Do this for 21 days minimum.  Don’t go back + read what you wrote.  Let it be a practice for tapping into the creative flow that is within you.  For tapping into your whole integrated woman.  See how your days start to move in a different way.  It might be subtle at first.  Don’t journal for what comes out on the paper, do it for how it affects your life.


*** GRATITUDE.  Every night, write 3 things in your journal that you are grateful for.  Make at least one of them about you.  What about YOU SPECIFICALLY are you grateful for.


*** SELF MASSAGE.  Purchase oil.  A scent that you like.  Take 10 minutes a day to massage your hands and feet, legs + arms, belly and breasts.  Turn the TV off, step away from the day-to-day.  Do it with presence.  Stay connected to the massage.  Marvel at the wonder of this body you live in and all of it’s systems that work together.  Receive your own touch and notice how your skin tingles afterwards, how your body appreciates it.


*** SELF LOVE.  The next time you are overflowing with love + go to spill it out to those in your life, pause.  Look at yourself in the mirror… look directly in your own eyes and say, I love you.  Do this first.  Over and over until it is ingrained within you.  It will feel hard, it will feel silly, it will feel indulgent + you will resist it at first.  Do it anyway.


Turn your attention towards yourself woman (or man).  The world is waiting for you to come home.  We need you.  We need ALL OF YOU.  This is the place we must meet + rebuild from.  It is crucial if we are to WHOLE all of the broken systems.  We must first look within + WHOLE ourselves.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” – Oscar Wilde