trust in your unfolding…

Posted by on Nov 6, 2017

Butterfly. Totem. Transformation. Not a sweet totem as one would think. The courage it requires to become the butterfly… total annihilation of self one once was, form one once was… into something new and unexpected. No way of knowing what comes next, believing you are dying, again + again. When it’s just the parts of self that have outgrown their forms… And so much brilliance awaits. The butterfly has to cultivate a ridiculous amount of FAITH.


It is the feminine way, the way of the darkness, of trusting in the unknown, of allowing oneself to be led without knowing where one is going. Unlike the mythical Phoenix, who bursts into flames before being reborn. Or the snake who sheds it’s skin, caterpillar wraps itself in a cocoon and goes inside. It literally melts from the inside completely. Fluid, liquid, dark, feminine.


This has been my life’s path. I see butterflies everywhere… I see them when they are not supposed to be around… flying on the beach next to me in the dead of winter, in the fall forest when it’s cold + no leaves remain on the trees, in the middle of the desert at the end of my vision quest, 3 of them flying into the center of the tribal circle as soon as I sit down and start speaking, looking in my window while I’m sitting on a plane, when I drive my car through the city… everywhere.


They speak to me. When I ask for a sign, when I’m at my wits end, they show up. I am grateful… they help me keep my faith in the way I live… in continuing to move forward, having been shown only one tiny part of the next move… I can take one more step and trust that I will be shown the next… and the next… and the next.


One of my ex’s used to tease me when I continually looked up the meaning of animals as I came across them. He would say, do you think every ant that crosses your path is here to bring you a message? I would loudly insist YES!


There are periods of creativity that I go through where red cardinal shows up. Several literally flying right in front of my car at different points in the same day. I have been bitten by spiders during times of great transition so often that it cannot be mere coincidence.  Songs play with words that answer the question I moments before posed to the Universe… or I’ll drive by a car with a vanity plate that answers.  As the world I have known continues to crumble from the form it once was, I find refuge and solace in these messages from beyond.  I turn towards them.


The world around us is constantly sending us signals, signs, messages + more. We interpret them through the forms we carry… friend, woman, daughter, teacher, scientist, executive, athlete, man, etc. and the filters we carry… pro-life, democrat, Catholic, Buddhist, sweet one, perfectionist, the good son, etc. In other words, our masks + our beliefs. Our brains bend reality to prove what we already believe. They use our beliefs + our masks as a way of filtering the massive amounts of data that we receive every second. They prove us right. Kind of like the alogarhythms of FB.


Yet, the Universal signs we receive entice us to step outside of these preconceived notions, these boxes we’ve put ourselves in. They come in ways that don’t always make sense… animals, repeating numbers, hearing the same thing several times, synchronicity, dejavu, goosebumps, messages from random strangers, etc. They point to something greater than these small forms. Something that seems like magic to the ordinary brain. They are the windows into the mystery, the unknown, the non-physical realm, the field or matrix, the web of interconnection that surrounds us. They whisper… everything is connected…you are more than simply this physical body, these beliefs lived for a human lifetime, the masks that you wear…there is a Divine order and it has a sense of humor…life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you…trust… have faith… believe even when it is tough, especially when it is tough, that you are not alone.  Keep showing up.  Tear off your masks and keep showing up.


Many times, when I’m at a crossroads, I’ll ask for a sign and the butterflies show up. I feel courage + trust and I take one step towards that which scares me. Or while sitting with my grief or pain, I see the butterflies and feel the expansive nature of my soul. I trust that I am held + can feel the feelings and be with even this. Or when I just have no idea which way is up, they are there and I am reminded of the FAITH I have in humanity, in myself.  I am reminded of the TRUST I have that there is something great that is happening in the midst of all this shadow material we are dealing with individually and collectively.


It is easy to get caught up in this world’s fast pace…to allow the beliefs + masks to form a barrier to true connection… to give ourselves a hard time because we feel as if we aren’t where we should be… to compare ourselves to what we see in social feed… to turn against one another… to stay small + isolate ourselves… This is the well worn way. The way that has the strong pull of the collective.  Especially right now when FEAR is the go-to.


To step off this path, we must look for our signs + summon up the courage to follow them.


Become curious… is there an animal you keep seeing, a word that you hear several times that is plastered across the truck driving by, the same number over and over, goosebumps when someone speaks the truth, someone who keeps coming across your path? If not, try taking a rest from filling your time with news + podcasts + social media + video games + Netflix + busy-ness. Give yourself some space to look around the natural world. Be in silence for a few minutes several times a day. It will come.


And when it does, pay attention. Start a notebook, record your dreams. Invite in magic. Peer into the abyss of the unknown. Ask the Divine a question and be open to the way it responds…. it most likely will not be logical or linear. But it will respond. It will nudge you in the direction of your own unfolding one step at a time.  And the more you pay attention to it, the more it will reveal to you.


And, from these butterfly wings + breadcrumbs, you will start to find your way.  You will start to feel your inner guide.  You will find your way back to who you came here to be and remember your own brilliance. You will speak your truth.  You will remember we are all connected.  You will be kind to yourself.  And from this place, as we all find our way back, one by one, we will heal this world we are living in.